Please don’t ask me to explain. I just scrubbed the bathroom and inhaled a lot of bleach. I remembered the site Hillary is Mom Jeans, and i wound up coming up with far too many. My brain has become an archive for lame internet memes and personal peeves.
- Hillary seeks the Rachael Ray endorsement for the 30 minute voter.
- Hillary eagerly anticipates the live-action GoBots movie.
- Hillary has more experience in drinking your milkshake.
- Hillary has a plan to bring back Diet Pepsi Blue.
- Hillary finds a popped-collar fresh and sexy.
- Hillary is not prepared for Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius.
- Hillary wishes Jeff Foxworthy would revive HeeHaw.
- Hillary wants to know who let the dogs out.
- Hillary thinks Tupac is really dead.
- Hillary believes a hybrid Hummer would be the bomb-diggity.
- Hillary has dancing & poplocking to your mom’s Zune.
- Hillary cut her legs shaving with Occam’s Razor.
- Hillary believes Lost is strictly a Biblical allegory.
- Hillary talks her friends into throwing Pampered Chef parties and then steals stuff.
- Hillary does not know what the Golgi Apparatus is for.
- Hillary feels enlightened by Paulo Coelho’s books.
- Hillary is purported to be “down with the sickness.”
- Hillary wants us all to just leave Britney alone.
- Hillary tunes in to see if she’s smarter than a 5th grader.
- Hillary wants to know why there are still monkeys around if humans
allegedly evolved from them. - Hillary thought Burt Reynolds was sexy in Deliverance.
- Hillary is salivating at the thought of a new Nickelback album.
- Hillary thinks Gene Simmons’ ass didn’t look that bad.
- Hillary likes the cars that go boom.
- Hillary weeps at the beauty of the paintings of Thomas Kinkade.
- Hillary gets choked up looking at Anne Geddes photos.
- Hillary only reads the books that Oprah tells her to read.
- Hillary voted for the war on Iraq to stop cameltoe.
- Hillary is eying a cozy investment in an aquifer in Argentina, next to
the Bush compound. - Hillary thinks that the Walrus was John.
- Hillary is still wondering why Nelly sang a song about sandals.
- Hillary still finds that talking dog that wants Taco Bell thigh-slapping funny.
- Hillary thought Gary Cherone was awesome in Van Halen.
- Hillary writes slash fiction about Buffy.
- Hillary doesn’t get why Kanye is hanging out with French robots.
- Hillary has all of the update boxes checked on her Facebook profile.
- Hillary buys her peanut butter and jelly premixed.
- Hillary killed Cock Robin.
- Hillary asked, “But who is Keyzer Soze?”
- Hillary constantly quotes lines from various Johnny Depp movies in character.
- Hillary is begging you for you to watch her bust a move and drop some of her freestyling on you, like a nuclear bomb.
- Hillary wishes that Disney would toss Walt’s frozen head in the dumpster and put Eisner’s head in cryogenics for the Future.
- Hillary is so stoked about hearing Perry Farrell’s next project.
- Hillary proclaims that she will not drop out, because like her close personal friend Stanley Burrell, is Too Legit to Quit.
- Hillary is a Dumbledore-Snape shipper.
- Hillary promised to cook dinner, and brought home a mess of soggy, cold chitlins from the gas station down the road.
Bleach. It does a body good.
Tags: Hillary Clinton, politics